Out Of The Darkness
This particular blog is most likely going to take about 3 separate entries because I want to share an experience that needs a little extra room. I have, up to this point, kept many of these deeper experiences to myself because of their personal nature and also because it’s often difficult to get a logical grasp on their meaning…and then relate that meaning to what is taking place either in my life or anything beyond it.
My meditations come in many different forms, and I’ve learned that meditation is NOT a tool I that I’d want to ever keep in a box, per se, and be limited in the wheres, the whens and the hows of it. If I’ve had a long day and am frazzled from the inside out, the goal is clear…find quiet space, close the eyes, stop the mind, feel the breath…ah…the moment…and relax…begin anew from here. If I’m in a painful place (physically or emotionally), the goal is to step aside from the pain and observe myself breathing it fully into my body to clearly see and acknowledge it, eyes open or closed and wherever I happen to be at the time.
Then there are meditations that take me on long journeys into different worlds where I exist away from this body and experience. It is as if my true home and being live there and I, through meditation, get to go visit the true me and watch myself evolve from this perspective as an observer.
For the past many (…I didn’t count) months I have been sitting in a dark cave. I didn’t know where this cave was or even how I got there, only that I remember one day, months ago, walking into it and feeling very alone in the dark. I felt around at first and found a wall to sit up against so that I could feel something was near to me and so that nothing would creep up from behind…and keep in mind that this is the same place that I would find myself at again and again every time I visited.
Soon into this journey I somehow found myself a little candle that I lit and sat down directly in front of me. It felt much better having the small luminescent glow next to me, and I almost immediately found enough comfort to allow me to breathe easier and relax. I eventually, over time, stood up with candle in hand and decided to take many steps away from the wall and sit in what felt like the middle of the cave without the protection of the wall behind me.
And in the middle of the cave is where I sat, with the candle in front of me, on the side of me, arms length distance from me…for several months. When one candle would burn out, a new one would miraculously and conveniently replace the last so that I would not be without this light again.
A little over a week ago, however, my candle burnt out and to my surprise, another wasn’t there for me to replace it. Odd…but not so odd…Just different. I was, by this time, feeling comfortable, maybe even complacent in the cave. But nonetheless it was, once again, dark. I wasn’t afraid, nor did I have that creepy uncomfortable feeling that I’d first had, and in fact found myself feeling the darkness in a whole new way…maybe with just a hint of fascination…
And this is when I became aware of the bigger picture and how this meditation “me” was not so metaphorical. I will leave it there and continue on with this incredible evolution in the next entry.
My Heart is One with Yours,